On Pain

In the mid to late nineties any time that I came across Kurt Cobain or Elliott Smith on the radio, I stopped. When hosting my morning show, I played both artists ad nauseum. I tried to drill deep into the lyrics in search of what could stimulate the "genius" they both embodied, hoping to grasp a glimpse of the wisdom which brought forth this depth and perception.

Flash forward to earlier this week when I attempted to rekindle my college mindset and plugged into a little XO (Smith's first studio album, and one of the best CD's in my collection) during an evening jog, and didn't make it past the second track before having to switch over to another play list on my Blackjack. At that moment I wrote off my inability to absorb the melodramatic self-loathing that we came to expect and celebrate in the 90's, as being an entirely inappropriate musical accompaniment to my most recent endeavor in physical fitness...you know...heroin and dry-fit attire just won't mix.

Then driving home the other day, I heard a talk radio show host make a point, and it really resonated. "Numbing the pain in our lives is a bad idea". I can't listen to Smith and Cobain for extended periods of time for (tragically) reasons that have nothing to due with the fact that they were amazing artists. I can't listen to them because I choose not to relate.

Now, before the gallery begins to chant "No-Duh" in unison due to the fact that I am a middle class, father of two, non-narcotic ingesting, Jesus Freak...please allow me to make my point.

I can not relate, because my attempts to numb the pain in my life all failed miserably. Make no mistake...I tried. The harsh reality of a world which is not too concerned with conforming to what would make my life most comfortable led me to make the cognitive decision to attempt to tune out....it just never got past a certain point (as I am sure it must have with both Smith and Cobain who committed suicide at similar ages), and at this juncture in my life's walk it would be intellectually dishonest to deny the fact that I was not the one in control of that.

Pain and discomfort (physical, emotional and spiritual) are there for a reason. They are a created function in our existence to let us know that something is wrong. My experience tells me that the only antidote for pain is hope. Hope that it will dissipate. Hope that even if it does not go away, it will augment my character. Because, say what you will, but personal pain is one thing that you can claim as your own. And, because of that, it is something that makes you uniquely you.

I am blessed to have been able to cope with the limited pain in my life and I owe that ability entirely to the hope that was afforded me very early on.

I can not relate to the lyrics of Elliott Smith and Kurt Cobain (no matter how hard I try) because, at their core, the words are rooted in hopelessness. The hopelessness born of a lack of the realization that pain is not present so that it may be numbed. Pain is present so that it may be overcome.

Be careful what you allow into the ears of your young ones. At least do them the honor of explaining what they are listening to.